Chronic 2008!

Look at this man's eyes. He has been smoking that sticky icky stuff. That chronic with no seeds. He didn't even use Visine to try to get the red out. That's bold! I bet he's wishing that he hired Nate Dogg to be his running mate, not straight-edge Sarah "Jesus Juice" Palin.

Blackberry Baby

Dear Sarah,

We all know it already. That ain't yo' baby! It's Bristol's baby! What happens in the dark will come out in the light....and you will be exposed. SHAMELESS!!! This isn't Desperate Housewives girl, this is real life! How can you sleep at night?

p.s. What a cruel joke naming him Trig.

Sarah Palin = Connie Corleone?

Public Service Announcement:

Dear Johnny Mac,

Yo John. We need to tawwk! If I were you I would watch your back. Sarah Palin is like Lady Macbeth- she wants to rise to the top! You might think that she is your trophy girl...but remind me again, what's the prize for third place? (That's right Sarah- you got dissed and dismissed!)

John- she knows that she sucks. She's latching on to you because you have a BUCKET LIST! Once she gets there she is going to slip some cyanide into your Ensure drink and than it's all over! Did you see "Godfather Part III"? Connie seems so sweet until she slips some old geezer a poisoned cannoli while he's sitting in the balcony of the opera. Watch out John, if Sarah wants to go see the "Marriage of Figaro" you say you have to go watch some "Honeymooners" reruns. (She'll believe that...it's totally plausible) ;-)

Sally Hansen to the Rescue!

I don't know if you have seen the NEWSWEEK
cover of Sarah Palin, but let me warn you right
now- It hasn't been retouched at all! Yikes!
Unfortunately for Sarah, her upper lip hair was
in full effect and her eyebrows needed to be
plucked like a chicken. Tragic! Just so you know
Sarah, SALLY HANSEN has great hair removal
solutions- you should check it out. The fact that
your sister owns a salon in Wasilla, makes me
not feel sorry for you. Girl, you had a hookup to
look better and you came out looking jacked up!
I bet you are worried that everyone is going to
figure out that your lips are tattooed too. Don't
worry Sarah it's still our little secret. HAHAHA!!!

If the Republican ticket were a movie...

The Republican Ticket

=

Miss Congeniality +
Grumpy Old Men

Doin' it for the Kids!

Dearest Readers,

Good morrow! I love the creative images
that people are coming up with during this
campaign. Granted, the campaign has gotten so ugly.
Now Johnny Mac is getting his leading ladies to do
his dirty work. Cindy McCain needs to shut
her Percoset-filled mouth! That Albino lizard
is deplorable. Both Cindy and Sarah like to bring
their children into the political mix in whatever
form they can. It's scary. It just shows how ambitious
they are- they will do whatever they can to get to the
top. Especially Sarah Palin- she's like Lady Macbeth.
Out, out damn (oil) spot!

McCain-Palin = Fluffanutter

Hey there!

I finally figured out how to describe the
McCain-Palin ticket so that everyone
can get it. It's a friggin' FLUFFANUTTER
sandwich. It's a Fluff-Nut...Palin is obviously
the fluff and John McCain is clearly a nut!

All I have to say is- What the Fluff?

Sarah Palin Deception!

Dearest Readers,

There is an amazing website that you need
to read...and I mean you need to read this now.
I know I may have my jokes and wisecracks
about Sarah Palin or the election or whatever,
but this is serious. Sarah Palin is trying to pull
the wool over people's eyes, but it's not working.
There are people out there who seek the truth
and I am one of them!

http://www.palindeception.com

P.S. For some reason the website isn't functioning
like a link. You might have to cut and paste it. I hope
it's not too much trouble. Thanks :-)

Live Blogging the VP Debate!

Disclaimer:

I am qualified to do this because I have a PhD in Palintology...


9:01 Yo ma, you are looking fierce in turquoise Gwen.

9:03 “Nice to meet you. Hey, can I call you Joe?”

9:04 Looking good Joe. I see you kept the hair plugs under wraps.

9:05 What? Go to a kid’s soccer game???!!!??

Girl- your tattoed lips are poppin’ tonight!

9:08 Wow. I feel like I am watching someone who is brainwashed.

9:09 Darn right it was the predator lenders!!!

9:10 If you say hockey moms again, I will cut you!

9:11 Heckuva lot of…Girl, this is not “Bevely Hillbillies”

9:12 Darn right! (I hope people aren’t doing a drinking game to this word.)

9:14 Oh snap! 477 times! He is calling you out Sarah! Deregulation nation!

9:14 (part 2) – “Let me tell you what I did as mayor and governor.”

9:15 Gwen shut it down! Holla!

9:16 Joe, you are as cool as a cucumber.

9:17 "Government, you"…..she is talking to the government like it’s one person. Delusional.

9:18 Why would I want to purchase my own health care? Hello!
Like $5,000 is going to get me a lot of health care.

9:20 Joe took it the McCain website!! www.ilovejoebiden.com! ☺

9:21 Oh snap! Good dig! “Bridge to Nowhere” zinger!

9:22 Nice flag pin Joe. I just noticed this.

9:24 How long I have been at this? 5 WEEKS!

9:27 I missed three minutes! Someone knocked on my door!

9:30 She’s making this an east coast- west coast thing! Wait, so Sarah is Tupac??? She better get a blue bandana and a “THUG LIFE” tattoo.

She said “heckuva” again!!!!!!!

9:31 She obviously doesn’t know that global warming is man-made!

9:32 The cause is man-made, sucka. Thanks Joe.

9: 33 I just realized why the “lipstick on a pig” was such a big deal. Sarah is mad that we are not focusing on her tattoed lips, but rather a pig’s lips.

9:34 The chant is “drill baby drill”- excuuuuseeeee you!

9:35 She said “raping”!!!!! WHOA!

9: 36 Same-sex questions! BRING IT ON !!!!!!!

9:37-9:39 I need to see all the questions about same-sex marriage again. That was kind of epic. I don’t know what to say.

9:42 Your plan is a white flag of surrender. As opposed to
the white flag of…cocaine?

9:43 I am confused. I feel like Sarah is sort of getting some shots in. ☹

9:47 She picked Iran because Biden picked Pakistan. Smooth move.

9:48 OUR RESPECT FOR WOMEN’S RIGHTS??? SHUT YOUR MOOSE BURGER FACE SARAH!!!!

9:51 A two-state solution is the solution. Come again?

9:52 Second Holocaust? Don’t go there girl.

9:54 We both love Israel???? I heart Jews !!! Mazel Tov!!!

9:55 Change is a comin’. She sounds like a negro spiritual.

9:58 I am just getting irritated. I wanted Joe Biden to destroy her. I mean I think her answers are making no sense, but yet she is still sort of not failing.

10:00 You just got a passport about 5 hot minutes ago. Like you know anything about the Middle East.

10:03 “Oh man, it’s so obvious I’m a Washington outsider.” Yeah, go back to Alaska- please!

10:04 You didn’t watch that debate. Sarah. LIE-TELLING as usual.

10:06 John McCain knows how to win a war. Right…actually he knows how to graduate #894 out of #899 in Naval Academy. He got captured Sarah, he is not that skilled!

10:09 What do you expect? Two Mavericks!

10:10 Don’t bring your country bumpkin town into this mess.

10:11 “Say it ain’t so!!!!” – Don’t bring Weezer into this.

10:12 Don’t bring Jill Biden into this Sarah. She doesn’t have tattoed lips
like some women I know.

10:13 She’s giving out extra credit points and shout outs. Playa please!

10:14 Stop saying that John is “tapping” you.

10:16 You said “tapping” again.

10: 17 Vice President Cheney is one dangerous mofo. He will shoot your fucking head off and make you apologize. On the realz.

10: 18 HELLO! Gwen said what is your ACHILLES HEEL???
She clearly doesn’t know Greek mythology.

10:21 Joe almost cried. Damn.

10:22 How can she respond like this? After he almost cried???

10:23 Preach on Joe!!!

10:26 New word “QUASI-CAVED”

10:29 Uh oh! Mainstream media- they are trying to hurt you Sarah.

10:34 Don’t bring a baby to a debate! I will expose you Sarah for faking your “5th pregnancy”!!!

PhD in Palintology

Hello Everyone!

I just wanted to let you know that I have a PhD (Player Hater Degree)
in Palintology. It wasn't so hard to get actually. I think alot of people have this degree, just maybe they aren't talking about it that much. You need to talk about it more. Don't worry- "You are not alone! I am here with youuuuuu" (Michael Jackson reference- i hope you caught that.)