The Lost Faces of Michael Jackson: Part 2

Dear Michael Delorenzo,

What happened to you? You were on NYPD Blue in the 90s and that was poppin'. Now what? It seems that you made a cd - no comment. I don't want to think of you only as one of MJ's lost faces. You were in the "Beat It" video so you need to stop frontin' like you weren't trying to be one of his lost faces. And your name is Michael. Come on now!

Love,

Handle that Scandal

Excessive Quote Marks

This picture pretty much sums up the campaign. John Mcain and Dr. Evil are pretty similar- both are stuck in the past, pal around with malicious cohorts and use quote marks way too much. Period, the end !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Lost Faces of Michael Jackson

I have a theory. I don't know all the answers to the world's questions, but I do wonder about Michael Jackson- alot ! I have a feeling that when he sheds
a layer of his face, it goes to someone else to balance out the universe.


Here's an example: Justin Guarini





Let's work together to try to find more "Lost faces of Michael Jackson".
We have ALOT of ground to cover! Thanks for your help!

Britney - McCain- Xtina

I am so glad that we are exploiting McCain's insane tongue-wagging at the last debate. Viva La Photoshop!

WHO ME?

Yeah you dawg. I am talking to you. You look like you have one foot in the grave dude and it is NOT grown n' sexy. Your wife is the crypt keeper. Your running mate is "Caribou Barbie". Please just stop, collaborate and listen...just drop out of the race with some dignity!

Religulously Yours...

I heart Bill Maher's guts. I just saw "Religulous" today and it was fantabulous. He is so kick-ass. I want to live without fear like this dude.

Joe Camel

With all the talk of people named Joe such as "Joe Six-Pack" and "Joe the Plumber" I have decided that I want to list a Joe that is very important to me! Please don't confuse Joe Camel with the infamous rapper Jay-Z because I have done that more times than I can count.

What in Samhill is going on here?

If we just keep showing this picture McCain will definitely not get into office. This is some freaky stuff! I don't even know what to say. I think this is one of those " a picture is worth 1,000 words".

Chronic 2008!

Look at this man's eyes. He has been smoking that sticky icky stuff. That chronic with no seeds. He didn't even use Visine to try to get the red out. That's bold! I bet he's wishing that he hired Nate Dogg to be his running mate, not straight-edge Sarah "Jesus Juice" Palin.

Are you catching flies?

I don't understand why John McCain is making this gesture now. This is the mating gesture that he used to lure Cindy in from the very beginning. He knew that Cindy was an albino lizard so he stuck his tongue out as an act of seduction. Clearly it worked, because they have been married for years. However, this is the last presidential debate, not mating season at the reptile house at the zoo. Hisssssssss!

All Work and No Play...

Get ready J-Mac. I am about to write lots of posts about you. You know why? Because you are a hot tranny ghetto hoodrat mess. You are insane in the McMembrane and I am calling you out! To' up from the flo' up- that's you!

Banana Phone!

Where can I get this? I need a banana phone like it's going out of style!

A penny for your thoughts?

Dearest Anderson Cooper,

So what if you're a Vanderbilt. So what if you're gay. So what if you are an alien. None of that matters to me. You are just too hot. You know how to do blue eyes right- not like that Cindy McCain hussy- her blue eyes are pure evil! She's "The Bad Seed" all grown up! You on the hand need a "fruit fly" (get it? -that's a younger version of a "fag hag"!) ;-)

Lots of love,

The Blersian Exxxcursion

Blackberry Baby

Dear Sarah,

We all know it already. That ain't yo' baby! It's Bristol's baby! What happens in the dark will come out in the light....and you will be exposed. SHAMELESS!!! This isn't Desperate Housewives girl, this is real life! How can you sleep at night?

p.s. What a cruel joke naming him Trig.

How are you feeling today?

Dear Dick,

Your name pretty much says it all.

p.s. i am skerred of you. please don't shoot
me in the face.

Country First, Depend Second

Dear John McCain,

We all know that you use these. Cindy told us! Yeah, she told me not to tell anyone but I lied!

Guess Who?- Alex Castellanos

Dear Alex,

With a mustache like that, I thought you had to be related to Geraldo Rivera. In a stranger twist of fate, it seems that you are one of the players on the board game "Guess who?" but in life form! If you are from that board game why are you masquerading as a GOP Media Consultant? :-( Lame!

It's Britney Bitch!

People get on it. The new Brit-Brit video ("Womanizer" )is poppin'. She is lookin' and bein' hella fierce. I am so beyond pumped right now. We have the same astrological sign and are born in the same year...only 12 days apart. Tell me that is not destiny. :-)

Run Leila Run

This picture really sums up how I feel right now. A little distressed, a little trapped and a desire for flaming red KOOL-AID hair.

Sloth! (Hey you guys!)

Do you remember "The Goonies"? I hope so. Sloth was one of my favorite characters in the movie. Unfortunately this morning, I looked like him because I had some bug bite or something on my eye and I looked like a hot tranny ghetto mess. :-( I was skerred! Luckily I am okay now but I felt like Sloth on the realz yo!

Always look on the Bright Side of Life?

I know you are probably stressing from the financial meltdown and whatnot. Take a deep breath and look at "The Man in the Mirror". Not Michael Jackson's mirror- I don't think he has those in his house. Just remember - it really could be worse. Stay strong.

Michelle my Belle!

Dear Michelle,

I was just recalling the day I fell in love with you. :-) It was the same day that Fox News was saying redonkeykong stuff like "terrorist fist jab". (sigh)
You are the best Michelle. You are a tall glass of chocolate milk and I am thirsty! And you make an H&M dress look like it's COCO(A) CHANEL! ;-)

Good luck and lots of love,

The Blersian Excursion

The Golden Girls :-)

You know how people write "lol", "brb", "wtf"? You can also write "tyfbaf" at the end of your conversations. As the Golden Girls theme song says "Thank you for being a friend" (TYFBAF!)

I suggest that you watch and episode right now- it will make you feel warm and fuzzy!

:-)

Elizabeth Hasselback = Poor man's Cindy McCain

Dear Elizabeth,

Hey girl. I just want you to know a few things.

1. I watch "The View" because my anger for you gives me enough energy to make it through day.

2. You are the poor man's Cindy McCain. (But I think you knew that one already- hehehe!)

3. I kind of wish that John McCain had picked you as his VP candidate because you are not a pit bull with lipstick but rather a rabid chihuahua. You would just annoy everyone so much that they would just acquiesce to defeat so you would leave their a$$ alone.

Sincerely,

The Blersian Excursion

Sarah Palin = Connie Corleone?

Public Service Announcement:

Dear Johnny Mac,

Yo John. We need to tawwk! If I were you I would watch your back. Sarah Palin is like Lady Macbeth- she wants to rise to the top! You might think that she is your trophy girl...but remind me again, what's the prize for third place? (That's right Sarah- you got dissed and dismissed!)

John- she knows that she sucks. She's latching on to you because you have a BUCKET LIST! Once she gets there she is going to slip some cyanide into your Ensure drink and than it's all over! Did you see "Godfather Part III"? Connie seems so sweet until she slips some old geezer a poisoned cannoli while he's sitting in the balcony of the opera. Watch out John, if Sarah wants to go see the "Marriage of Figaro" you say you have to go watch some "Honeymooners" reruns. (She'll believe that...it's totally plausible) ;-)

Sally Hansen to the Rescue!

I don't know if you have seen the NEWSWEEK
cover of Sarah Palin, but let me warn you right
now- It hasn't been retouched at all! Yikes!
Unfortunately for Sarah, her upper lip hair was
in full effect and her eyebrows needed to be
plucked like a chicken. Tragic! Just so you know
Sarah, SALLY HANSEN has great hair removal
solutions- you should check it out. The fact that
your sister owns a salon in Wasilla, makes me
not feel sorry for you. Girl, you had a hookup to
look better and you came out looking jacked up!
I bet you are worried that everyone is going to
figure out that your lips are tattooed too. Don't
worry Sarah it's still our little secret. HAHAHA!!!

Soledad O'Brien!

Dear Soledad,

You have the coolest name ever. (Plus, your family
is so super cute!) I heart you!

If the Republican ticket were a movie...

The Republican Ticket

=

Miss Congeniality +
Grumpy Old Men

The Solution To Global Warming

Hey you!

I have been having some really productive
days lately. Today I figured out how to
solve this whole global warming thing.
Cindy McCain's eyes! Some people (Republicans)
think they are endearing like a Siberian Husky's.
Endearing they are not! These things will
freeze you on the spot. If Medusa can turn
you into stone, Cindy McCain will turn
you into ICE, ICE BABY!!! Help us save
the polar bears Cindy- they need a place to
live too. They can't live in one of your seven...
err....nine houses. Even if you wanted them to!

P.S. Did I forget to mention that she is the
crypt keeper? My bad!

Doin' it for the Kids!

Dearest Readers,

Good morrow! I love the creative images
that people are coming up with during this
campaign. Granted, the campaign has gotten so ugly.
Now Johnny Mac is getting his leading ladies to do
his dirty work. Cindy McCain needs to shut
her Percoset-filled mouth! That Albino lizard
is deplorable. Both Cindy and Sarah like to bring
their children into the political mix in whatever
form they can. It's scary. It just shows how ambitious
they are- they will do whatever they can to get to the
top. Especially Sarah Palin- she's like Lady Macbeth.
Out, out damn (oil) spot!

McCain-Palin = Fluffanutter

Hey there!

I finally figured out how to describe the
McCain-Palin ticket so that everyone
can get it. It's a friggin' FLUFFANUTTER
sandwich. It's a Fluff-Nut...Palin is obviously
the fluff and John McCain is clearly a nut!

All I have to say is- What the Fluff?

Sarah Palin Deception!

Dearest Readers,

There is an amazing website that you need
to read...and I mean you need to read this now.
I know I may have my jokes and wisecracks
about Sarah Palin or the election or whatever,
but this is serious. Sarah Palin is trying to pull
the wool over people's eyes, but it's not working.
There are people out there who seek the truth
and I am one of them!

http://www.palindeception.com

P.S. For some reason the website isn't functioning
like a link. You might have to cut and paste it. I hope
it's not too much trouble. Thanks :-)

Live Blogging the VP Debate!

Disclaimer:

I am qualified to do this because I have a PhD in Palintology...


9:01 Yo ma, you are looking fierce in turquoise Gwen.

9:03 “Nice to meet you. Hey, can I call you Joe?”

9:04 Looking good Joe. I see you kept the hair plugs under wraps.

9:05 What? Go to a kid’s soccer game???!!!??

Girl- your tattoed lips are poppin’ tonight!

9:08 Wow. I feel like I am watching someone who is brainwashed.

9:09 Darn right it was the predator lenders!!!

9:10 If you say hockey moms again, I will cut you!

9:11 Heckuva lot of…Girl, this is not “Bevely Hillbillies”

9:12 Darn right! (I hope people aren’t doing a drinking game to this word.)

9:14 Oh snap! 477 times! He is calling you out Sarah! Deregulation nation!

9:14 (part 2) – “Let me tell you what I did as mayor and governor.”

9:15 Gwen shut it down! Holla!

9:16 Joe, you are as cool as a cucumber.

9:17 "Government, you"…..she is talking to the government like it’s one person. Delusional.

9:18 Why would I want to purchase my own health care? Hello!
Like $5,000 is going to get me a lot of health care.

9:20 Joe took it the McCain website!! www.ilovejoebiden.com! ☺

9:21 Oh snap! Good dig! “Bridge to Nowhere” zinger!

9:22 Nice flag pin Joe. I just noticed this.

9:24 How long I have been at this? 5 WEEKS!

9:27 I missed three minutes! Someone knocked on my door!

9:30 She’s making this an east coast- west coast thing! Wait, so Sarah is Tupac??? She better get a blue bandana and a “THUG LIFE” tattoo.

She said “heckuva” again!!!!!!!

9:31 She obviously doesn’t know that global warming is man-made!

9:32 The cause is man-made, sucka. Thanks Joe.

9: 33 I just realized why the “lipstick on a pig” was such a big deal. Sarah is mad that we are not focusing on her tattoed lips, but rather a pig’s lips.

9:34 The chant is “drill baby drill”- excuuuuseeeee you!

9:35 She said “raping”!!!!! WHOA!

9: 36 Same-sex questions! BRING IT ON !!!!!!!

9:37-9:39 I need to see all the questions about same-sex marriage again. That was kind of epic. I don’t know what to say.

9:42 Your plan is a white flag of surrender. As opposed to
the white flag of…cocaine?

9:43 I am confused. I feel like Sarah is sort of getting some shots in. ☹

9:47 She picked Iran because Biden picked Pakistan. Smooth move.

9:48 OUR RESPECT FOR WOMEN’S RIGHTS??? SHUT YOUR MOOSE BURGER FACE SARAH!!!!

9:51 A two-state solution is the solution. Come again?

9:52 Second Holocaust? Don’t go there girl.

9:54 We both love Israel???? I heart Jews !!! Mazel Tov!!!

9:55 Change is a comin’. She sounds like a negro spiritual.

9:58 I am just getting irritated. I wanted Joe Biden to destroy her. I mean I think her answers are making no sense, but yet she is still sort of not failing.

10:00 You just got a passport about 5 hot minutes ago. Like you know anything about the Middle East.

10:03 “Oh man, it’s so obvious I’m a Washington outsider.” Yeah, go back to Alaska- please!

10:04 You didn’t watch that debate. Sarah. LIE-TELLING as usual.

10:06 John McCain knows how to win a war. Right…actually he knows how to graduate #894 out of #899 in Naval Academy. He got captured Sarah, he is not that skilled!

10:09 What do you expect? Two Mavericks!

10:10 Don’t bring your country bumpkin town into this mess.

10:11 “Say it ain’t so!!!!” – Don’t bring Weezer into this.

10:12 Don’t bring Jill Biden into this Sarah. She doesn’t have tattoed lips
like some women I know.

10:13 She’s giving out extra credit points and shout outs. Playa please!

10:14 Stop saying that John is “tapping” you.

10:16 You said “tapping” again.

10: 17 Vice President Cheney is one dangerous mofo. He will shoot your fucking head off and make you apologize. On the realz.

10: 18 HELLO! Gwen said what is your ACHILLES HEEL???
She clearly doesn’t know Greek mythology.

10:21 Joe almost cried. Damn.

10:22 How can she respond like this? After he almost cried???

10:23 Preach on Joe!!!

10:26 New word “QUASI-CAVED”

10:29 Uh oh! Mainstream media- they are trying to hurt you Sarah.

10:34 Don’t bring a baby to a debate! I will expose you Sarah for faking your “5th pregnancy”!!!

PhD in Palintology

Hello Everyone!

I just wanted to let you know that I have a PhD (Player Hater Degree)
in Palintology. It wasn't so hard to get actually. I think alot of people have this degree, just maybe they aren't talking about it that much. You need to talk about it more. Don't worry- "You are not alone! I am here with youuuuuu" (Michael Jackson reference- i hope you caught that.)